Betrayal & Resentment

Since I no longer have a life of my own (partly because of covid), reading relationship question & answers online is now my guilty pleasure. At first I used to read them for kicks. Many are very amusing to downright comical to me. Then I started to see disturbing patterns of betrayal in both genders. As someone who has been betrayed or “cheated on” a number of times in my past relationships this is a sore spot with me even now. Some cheaters admitted it, some denied that truth to the end but in every case I ended the relationship immediately. Once someone tells me what they really think of me, I believe them & act accordingly.

Some choose to stay with deceitful partners for many reasons. We all have our own financial or emotional needs. There has to be a benefit for them to stay. Sometimes it’s merely that the person has no pride & delusionally chooses to believe the apologies that seem sincere at the time. Some, mostly women, are stay at home moms with children to care for & it would be financially difficult to leave the bread winner & have to support herself & her children even with child support. I don’t judge. The ability to forgive is personal. Some will not only leave a cheating spouse but will seek revenge in some way. Some choose to stay & still punish the offending spouse for that kind of public humiliation. Everyone usually finds out sooner or later.

I can’t understand why a cheater does not foresee the fallout his or her infidelity will always cause. The very act of taking the time & trouble to sneak away with another person to give them pleasure & get pleasure from them tells their betrayed partner how little they mean to them. That someone is willing to lose everything, including the person that they vowed or promised to stay faithful to says everything about just how little that current partner means to them. Always believe a cheater. Even if your partner is not sexually responsive to you, it does not give you the right to betray them. Sexual incompatibility needs to be discussed with the partner & corrected or just do the right thing & break off your unhappy relationship before using someone else’s body to relieve yourself.

This takes determination & passion to risk it all just to experience another person’s body. The fact that you risk losing everything only to possibly gain an unwanted pregnancy or venereal disease, even HIV just to “get a little stank on it” is about as dumb as it gets. It would be hard to stay with someone that you lose respect for once you realize they really are this ignorant & base on top of them devaluing you. I’m sure part of the reason that cheaters are so vile is they don’t appreciate someone great in their lives because they know what scum they really are & know they don’t deserve someone decent in their lives. This is why they prefer the “homewrecker” to the “homemaker.” They feel they deserve a heartless harlot who obviously is very much like themselves.

The following is an example of the types of relationship questions & answers I see on Quora. This question has to do with inappropriate boyfriend behavior as opposed to someone sneaking around cheating on their partner. This is open cheating in my opinion & many pull these kinds of suspect stunts while gaslighting & “jealousy shaming” their mate to keep them quiet & out of the way. Don’t fall for it. Either they love you & value you or they don’t. If you allow this treatment, like all abuse, it will only get worse with time.

Quora:

Relationship questions:

Question:  “I want to go travel with another female. Why won’t my girlfriend allow me to do it?

My girlfriend asked me to go travel with her. But I want to travel with my female friend to the same place first. Because I want to learn travel experience from her.” (likely story, lol)

Answer:

A male’s perspective:

[I’d like to ask……”Why do you have a girlfriend?”
“Do you have any respect for her?” That would mean her opinions & feelings count for something.
Your question is very self minded. Meaning…..it’s all about you & what you want to do.
A relationship is about sharing & not just sharing an apartment or bed. It’s about sharing lives & experiences.
Example: My wife & I greatly enjoy hiking in the wilderness & seeing, experiencing, the sights & sounds together. It brings us closer together & enriches our relationship, strengthens our love for each other & our shared interests. My work also puts me in the wilderness alone occasionally. If I come across something, like a breathtaking view, or an awesome tree formation, I can get to feeling very sad, that she is not by my side to share it with. Because you do not want to do this with your girlfriend, you are being a selfish ass in her eyes. Understandably so. It brings in the question you should not be a couple, especially since you would rather be spending that time with someone, you feel more worthy, or compatible to yourself.
If you are unable to understand the value of respect & sharing in a relationship, then I could suspect you are not ready for one.
Relationships are about doing things together.]

I like how this poster really gets what this woman’s problem or concern is. Her “partner” does not give a darn about her feelings & worse, he does not want to be with her, he passionately wants to be with this other woman whoever she is to him. I don’t think many in the throes of denied passion even realize how obvious they are acting in front of everyone & how telling their actions really are. Body language, eyes, they all give your true emotions away to others. I don’t know how this man knows the female “friend” or how long he has dated his girlfriend but the fact is, he does not have a relationship with the stated “girlfriend.” His loyalty & admiration is only for his female “friend.”

(If I were the girlfriend I would be dying to know just how this sexually viable man expects not to have sex with his female companion while traveling to romantic destinations viewing exciting emotion evoking scenery then being in close sleeping quarters with the woman with no sexual outlet but his hand or her. Just saying, this is absolutely not realistic.)

Another answer:

[If it were the girlfriend going instead of you with her best Male friend, should you be ok with it? There’s your answer.  Resentment never really goes away.]

Anything that you do to another that causes you to devalue or disrespect them in any way will cause resentment in them towards you & their relationship with you.  This is the biggest obstacle to overcome when someone is trying to forgive a partner for some type of indiscretion or betrayal.  The same kind of betrayal the guilty party would have trouble forgiving if they were in a similar situation. What is resentment in a relationship?

Resentment is the ill feeling you have toward someone when you deem them to have treated you unfairly. It’s not quite the same as getting angry or upset when someone truly treats you poorly. It is more a perceived wrong related to another person’s actions, words, or even their beliefs about something.

What is considered cheating or betrayal in a relationship?

In short, cheating is being emotionally or sexually unfaithful to your partner with who you are in a monogamous relationship with. Being intimate sexually or emotionally with another person is usually considered cheating. Surprising how many men are more emotionally intimate with their women friends or female co-worker than their actual mates. It actually means that they are in love with those friends & NOT the women they are sharing their bed with as their partner. This has to be addressed when it’s discovered.

It’s potentially harmful & fraudulent in so many ways. Usually the female friend is not sexually attracted to the man but keeps him around as her backup because she can tell he’s really in love with her, treats her well & is always there for her instead of his wife or girlfriend. He has proven to her that she is the priority in his life, not his wife or girlfriend. The man keeps hoping that one day they can be together as he would like & meanwhile this “friend” woman flirts & complements him to keep him on the line. In the meantime he needs sex & comfort from an actual physical body & that’s where his girlfriend or wife comes into play in this disturbing dynamic.

This brings us to the “martyr” or “doormat.”  Someone with a martyr complex is committed to their narrative of being a victim, working harder than anyone else & not getting what everyone else gets. Such as being a good, faithful long suffering wife that is not appreciated by her spouse. Encouraging bad behavior in others helps no one.

A doormat is someone who lets others treat them badly, doesn’t express their own needs & doesn’t stand up for themselves. Know your worth.  If you consider others to be worthy, you must first know your own worth.  Respect yourself or no one else will.  This is the reason that abuse follows a cycle with most.  They allow it one time & don’t change it or leave the person or situation.  People who value their own self worth will get away from damaging or dangerous situations asap.

Stop Being Treated Like a Doormat:

No one can devalue you without your permission.

The change has to start with you. 

Start teaching others how to treat you.

Stop giving til it hurts.

Expect only the best from other people.

Never accept any type of disrespect or devaluation.

Don’t be afraid to seek counseling & assertiveness training.

I hope that someone in a similar circumstance will be comforted in some small way that cheating is a sign that your relationship is in trouble & needs to be fixed. In all the chaos that cheating or infidelity causes there are basic patterns that are so painfully obvious, they are missed because delusion or wishful thinking is so much easier. No muss or fuss, til one day your partner gets what he wanted all along & suddenly walks out the door. This happens to many that choose to turn a blind eye & forgive the deceit without trying to solve the real problems. Cheaters are telling you that they are not happy with you or the relationship so some type of change has to occur. Not being compatible is not a failure, it’s not failure to realize that something is not working.

Life is constant change.

Life is not forever.

Infidelity does not mean you must break up. Both partners need to figure things out to everyone’s benefit.

God is Good

“Everything happens for a reason.”

This is a popular sentiment or belief of many whether they believe in a higher power or not.

Sometimes I find it hard to subscribe to this theory when I hear of the many atrocities of mankind. I don’t mean the random acts of nature that we all know are possible at one time or another, I mean the deliberate evils of mankind through the ages. The calculated decisions that cause so much needless death & destruction. The premeditated plans of evil jealous fools to lead the masses to their own destruction all the while pretending to be the people’s “saviors” or helpers. These are our leaders. Blind leading the blind & you know how that’s going to turn out.

I never blame God for man’s atrocities or the acts of mother nature. Man’s atrocities are all on man. All that takes for evil to exist is other men to be agreeable to said evil or complacent. Shame on anyone who knows better but is too cowardly to fight back or speak up when needed. God created everything & told us how to live on earth. Every atrocity committed, no matter the excuse given, has always been an act against what Christ told us to do & how to live. They are acts against God & life as we know it. How is this even tolerable to anyone unless they agree with it?

If man does not get a grip on his inner demons the world is doomed. We see the unbelievers destruction on steroids since the “offended” are somehow in charge of the world & can mock & remove anything that might cause their demons to be exorcised or feel threatened in any way. For this end the truth is being demonized in the false hope to prevent said exorcism & save God’s people.

I keep calling these the “end times” & I don’t think I’m wrong. Man has had over 2000 years to get it together & start following the teachings of Christ as was intended. Instead of practicing the justice & rationale of the Golden Rule that Jesus taught his disciples to teach the world, the “unbelievers” try to erase any trace of His existence. They continuously insult our intelligence spreading false doctrine & rhetoric that Christianity is “dangerous.” All the while pointing to examples of the hypocrites or “wolves in sheeps clothing” that use the name of Christ in vain, getting rich by preaching false doctrine. You don’t have to be a soothsayer to predict man’s fate at this time.

Sadly if this is the best mankind can do than maybe it is God’s will that we come to the end intended for the disobedience that cannot be corrected.

YES…100% I really believe this. Look around.

I don’t wish to be long winded or disjointed in this post but I wanted to talk about coincidences or “things happening for a reason” in my own life. A surprising number of things in my life have not turn out as they should have or as I had hoped they would. This happens at times to all of us. When it happens regularly through no fault of your own, such as a bank failing or stocks crashing, you feel this is personal somehow. I know I do. I think what are the odds that this random bank or this good, solid decision would come back to bite me in the butt? If you think that way you would be afraid to get out of bed in the morning. When I look at the big spiritual picture & who my enemy really is, it makes perfect sense & I am in good company. That being said…

I wanted to mention something that I find interesting or coincidental in regards to applying for various juried art shows in the last 20 years or so.

As someone relatively “unknown” in the art community you have to always prove yourself or even have a name to be accepted in many art shows, especially the more popular ones. There’s always a waiting list. Some artists have applied for years before being accepted. Through the years I have hung in various galleries & was accepted to some of the juried shows & art fairs. Besides having a number of ribbons tucked away, there were sometimes cash prizes involved. Just the opportunity to be chosen for any popular art show or festival was an exciting opportunity for me.

I have been honored to have had numerous Computer Graphics dedicated to the various quotations of Christ throughout the first four books of the New Testament accepted to various art shows in which the same jurors had rejected my “secular” submissions. God’s will?

Oddly enough I had no preconceived notion of creating these graphics & presenting to them to the public at the time I decided to sell my condo in Canton & purchase a home closer to my job in downtown Detroit Michigan in 2004. I have always loved the Ford Historic Home district near Henry Ford Museum & Greenfield Village in Dearborn Michigan so I looked in the area & found a cute bungalow half the price of what the much larger historic homes were selling for & only a couple blocks away. Again, God’s will?

After my move I entered various art shows & hung in some of the local galleries as well as festivals & fairs. I didn’t choose my subject matter for submission as much as I feel now more than ever “it” chose me. I was strong in the Word of God at this time. Not the backslider I am now. I created various designs around the Crucifixtion of Christ. To call this the most “important event” the world will ever know is a gross understatement. To know that I walk among those that would mock this “gift” or not understand the enormity of WHY Jesus gave His life willingly in this very brutal manner disturbs me to say the least.

Jesus is our Savior because He is the ONLY hope this world has to stay here in one piece & NO ONE can deny this truth because they can see it with their own eyes. Either we all love one another or we will perish. Keep following the “anti-Christ” behavior this world promotes through it’s various media formats & suffer the obvious consequences. “The wages of sin is death.”

Slideshow of some of my past art show submissions:

Dare to Pick up Your Cross

No better time than right now while the world spins further into hell after the continued satanic blitz campaign by so many who have deliberately positioned themselves into places where they could do the most damage and others pretending to be “oh so offended” by the idea of peace & love that they keep requesting any sign of Jesus & his Father in Heaven be hidden from sight. I guess in a world such as this, Christ saving the world was pretty radical & still not well received. Man has brought about his own condemnation.

These Billboards went up in Toronto in 1983

Nothing going on right now is by accident.

Hypocritical Lies

This is all we hear from the “left wingers” or “liberal progressives” of which there is nothing liberal or progressive about them.  They are completely intolerant, abusive & everything they do “regresses” mankind in every way.

“Aggression” is not “progression.”  Only accepting sin but rejecting & mocking decency is not “liberal.”  It’s judgmental, intolerant & hypocritical.  It’s evil.  They falsely accuse others of their own crimes all the while feigning innocence.  It’s interesting how the Bible describes the “end times” identically to what is currently going on in today’s world.

 

Savior of the World

We are finding out just how true the Word of God really is right now in these end times (?)  So much of what was written in the Bible has already proven beyond all doubt that Jesus the Christ really is the Savior of the world & therefore the Son of God.

There is a reason that the Godless heathen hates Christians & mocks Christ all the while frantically trying to remove any influence of Christianity from this sorry world.  They know He’s the Christ or they wouldn’t try this hard.  If these unbelievers really didn’t believe, they would not care less if we made fools of ourselves praying to our “invisible friend” as some call Him.

Important to know He is invisible to the unworthy.  The ones with too much hate in their hearts & no room for God to dwell.

There is a reason that EVERY knee must bow & tongue confess that Christ is Lord.  Look what is currently happening.  God did not mean for this to be our life.  If we all believed we would treat each other with loving kindness & not the fake plastic smile kind meant to make you look good to others.  Real kindness with real love.