Betrayal & Resentment

Since I no longer have a life of my own (partly because of covid), reading relationship question & answers online is now my guilty pleasure. At first I used to read them for kicks. Many are very amusing to downright comical to me. Then I started to see disturbing patterns of betrayal in both genders. As someone who has been betrayed or “cheated on” a number of times in my past relationships this is a sore spot with me even now. Some cheaters admitted it, some denied that truth to the end but in every case I ended the relationship immediately. Once someone tells me what they really think of me, I believe them & act accordingly.

Some choose to stay with deceitful partners for many reasons. We all have our own financial or emotional needs. There has to be a benefit for them to stay. Sometimes it’s merely that the person has no pride & delusionally chooses to believe the apologies that seem sincere at the time. Some, mostly women, are stay at home moms with children to care for & it would be financially difficult to leave the bread winner & have to support herself & her children even with child support. I don’t judge. The ability to forgive is personal. Some will not only leave a cheating spouse but will seek revenge in some way. Some choose to stay & still punish the offending spouse for that kind of public humiliation. Everyone usually finds out sooner or later.

I can’t understand why a cheater does not foresee the fallout his or her infidelity will always cause. The very act of taking the time & trouble to sneak away with another person to give them pleasure & get pleasure from them tells their betrayed partner how little they mean to them. That someone is willing to lose everything, including the person that they vowed or promised to stay faithful to says everything about just how little that current partner means to them. Always believe a cheater. Even if your partner is not sexually responsive to you, it does not give you the right to betray them. Sexual incompatibility needs to be discussed with the partner & corrected or just do the right thing & break off your unhappy relationship before using someone else’s body to relieve yourself.

This takes determination & passion to risk it all just to experience another person’s body. The fact that you risk losing everything only to possibly gain an unwanted pregnancy or venereal disease, even HIV just to “get a little stank on it” is about as dumb as it gets. It would be hard to stay with someone that you lose respect for once you realize they really are this ignorant & base on top of them devaluing you. I’m sure part of the reason that cheaters are so vile is they don’t appreciate someone great in their lives because they know what scum they really are & know they don’t deserve someone decent in their lives. This is why they prefer the “homewrecker” to the “homemaker.” They feel they deserve a heartless harlot who obviously is very much like themselves.

The following is an example of the types of relationship questions & answers I see on Quora. This question has to do with inappropriate boyfriend behavior as opposed to someone sneaking around cheating on their partner. This is open cheating in my opinion & many pull these kinds of suspect stunts while gaslighting & “jealousy shaming” their mate to keep them quiet & out of the way. Don’t fall for it. Either they love you & value you or they don’t. If you allow this treatment, like all abuse, it will only get worse with time.

Quora:

Relationship questions:

Question:  “I want to go travel with another female. Why won’t my girlfriend allow me to do it?

My girlfriend asked me to go travel with her. But I want to travel with my female friend to the same place first. Because I want to learn travel experience from her.” (likely story, lol)

Answer:

A male’s perspective:

[I’d like to ask……”Why do you have a girlfriend?”
“Do you have any respect for her?” That would mean her opinions & feelings count for something.
Your question is very self minded. Meaning…..it’s all about you & what you want to do.
A relationship is about sharing & not just sharing an apartment or bed. It’s about sharing lives & experiences.
Example: My wife & I greatly enjoy hiking in the wilderness & seeing, experiencing, the sights & sounds together. It brings us closer together & enriches our relationship, strengthens our love for each other & our shared interests. My work also puts me in the wilderness alone occasionally. If I come across something, like a breathtaking view, or an awesome tree formation, I can get to feeling very sad, that she is not by my side to share it with. Because you do not want to do this with your girlfriend, you are being a selfish ass in her eyes. Understandably so. It brings in the question you should not be a couple, especially since you would rather be spending that time with someone, you feel more worthy, or compatible to yourself.
If you are unable to understand the value of respect & sharing in a relationship, then I could suspect you are not ready for one.
Relationships are about doing things together.]

I like how this poster really gets what this woman’s problem or concern is. Her “partner” does not give a darn about her feelings & worse, he does not want to be with her, he passionately wants to be with this other woman whoever she is to him. I don’t think many in the throes of denied passion even realize how obvious they are acting in front of everyone & how telling their actions really are. Body language, eyes, they all give your true emotions away to others. I don’t know how this man knows the female “friend” or how long he has dated his girlfriend but the fact is, he does not have a relationship with the stated “girlfriend.” His loyalty & admiration is only for his female “friend.”

(If I were the girlfriend I would be dying to know just how this sexually viable man expects not to have sex with his female companion while traveling to romantic destinations viewing exciting emotion evoking scenery then being in close sleeping quarters with the woman with no sexual outlet but his hand or her. Just saying, this is absolutely not realistic.)

Another answer:

[If it were the girlfriend going instead of you with her best Male friend, should you be ok with it? There’s your answer.  Resentment never really goes away.]

Anything that you do to another that causes you to devalue or disrespect them in any way will cause resentment in them towards you & their relationship with you.  This is the biggest obstacle to overcome when someone is trying to forgive a partner for some type of indiscretion or betrayal.  The same kind of betrayal the guilty party would have trouble forgiving if they were in a similar situation. What is resentment in a relationship?

Resentment is the ill feeling you have toward someone when you deem them to have treated you unfairly. It’s not quite the same as getting angry or upset when someone truly treats you poorly. It is more a perceived wrong related to another person’s actions, words, or even their beliefs about something.

What is considered cheating or betrayal in a relationship?

In short, cheating is being emotionally or sexually unfaithful to your partner with who you are in a monogamous relationship with. Being intimate sexually or emotionally with another person is usually considered cheating. Surprising how many men are more emotionally intimate with their women friends or female co-worker than their actual mates. It actually means that they are in love with those friends & NOT the women they are sharing their bed with as their partner. This has to be addressed when it’s discovered.

It’s potentially harmful & fraudulent in so many ways. Usually the female friend is not sexually attracted to the man but keeps him around as her backup because she can tell he’s really in love with her, treats her well & is always there for her instead of his wife or girlfriend. He has proven to her that she is the priority in his life, not his wife or girlfriend. The man keeps hoping that one day they can be together as he would like & meanwhile this “friend” woman flirts & complements him to keep him on the line. In the meantime he needs sex & comfort from an actual physical body & that’s where his girlfriend or wife comes into play in this disturbing dynamic.

This brings us to the “martyr” or “doormat.”  Someone with a martyr complex is committed to their narrative of being a victim, working harder than anyone else & not getting what everyone else gets. Such as being a good, faithful long suffering wife that is not appreciated by her spouse. Encouraging bad behavior in others helps no one.

A doormat is someone who lets others treat them badly, doesn’t express their own needs & doesn’t stand up for themselves. Know your worth.  If you consider others to be worthy, you must first know your own worth.  Respect yourself or no one else will.  This is the reason that abuse follows a cycle with most.  They allow it one time & don’t change it or leave the person or situation.  People who value their own self worth will get away from damaging or dangerous situations asap.

Stop Being Treated Like a Doormat:

No one can devalue you without your permission.

The change has to start with you. 

Start teaching others how to treat you.

Stop giving til it hurts.

Expect only the best from other people.

Never accept any type of disrespect or devaluation.

Don’t be afraid to seek counseling & assertiveness training.

I hope that someone in a similar circumstance will be comforted in some small way that cheating is a sign that your relationship is in trouble & needs to be fixed. In all the chaos that cheating or infidelity causes there are basic patterns that are so painfully obvious, they are missed because delusion or wishful thinking is so much easier. No muss or fuss, til one day your partner gets what he wanted all along & suddenly walks out the door. This happens to many that choose to turn a blind eye & forgive the deceit without trying to solve the real problems. Cheaters are telling you that they are not happy with you or the relationship so some type of change has to occur. Not being compatible is not a failure, it’s not failure to realize that something is not working.

Life is constant change.

Life is not forever.

Infidelity does not mean you must break up. Both partners need to figure things out to everyone’s benefit.

Dare to Pick up Your Cross

No better time than right now while the world spins further into hell after the continued satanic blitz campaign by so many who have deliberately positioned themselves into places where they could do the most damage and others pretending to be “oh so offended” by the idea of peace & love that they keep requesting any sign of Jesus & his Father in Heaven be hidden from sight. I guess in a world such as this, Christ saving the world was pretty radical & still not well received. Man has brought about his own condemnation.

These Billboards went up in Toronto in 1983

Nothing going on right now is by accident.

Loving the Lord Jesus

Don’t you just love it when you haven’t been in the Word for a while & something makes you think of a particular scripture so you go to look it up & you actually begin reading further into it?

Today it was the old favorite of “Truth setting you Free.”

Jesus tried to explain that man is evil because their father is the devil & is a liar. He further explained because of this very reason, man does not recognize the truth nor wants to.

True Christians are definitely in the minority & always will be but they are also the ones that keep this sinful world spinning. Any good deed is from love & the God of Jesus, His Father, is love.

The entire chapter 8 in the book of John is worth going over.

Have a blessed & peaceful Sunday in God’s Word everyone.

Savior of the World

We are finding out just how true the Word of God really is right now in these end times (?)  So much of what was written in the Bible has already proven beyond all doubt that Jesus the Christ really is the Savior of the world & therefore the Son of God.

There is a reason that the Godless heathen hates Christians & mocks Christ all the while frantically trying to remove any influence of Christianity from this sorry world.  They know He’s the Christ or they wouldn’t try this hard.  If these unbelievers really didn’t believe, they would not care less if we made fools of ourselves praying to our “invisible friend” as some call Him.

Important to know He is invisible to the unworthy.  The ones with too much hate in their hearts & no room for God to dwell.

There is a reason that EVERY knee must bow & tongue confess that Christ is Lord.  Look what is currently happening.  God did not mean for this to be our life.  If we all believed we would treat each other with loving kindness & not the fake plastic smile kind meant to make you look good to others.  Real kindness with real love.

The Commandment is Love

There is absolutely no excuse for anyone to pretend that they can’t comprehend the concept of treating others well. I really do believe that you treat others the way you feel about yourself. Many obviously don’t love or forgive themselves for being human & fallible. You need to do that. Forgive yourself so you can forgive all around you & show them the mercy that God means for all who follow His Son the Christ.

Cut & Paste

This scripture suits many who strive for power but are not fit for this kind of responsibility.

Giving glory to God & sharing something that was shared with me today on Facebook.

This is a cut & paste comment I cut & pasted to my blog. Author unknown.

OK, I’m going to try to be empathetic with this one. I won’t call it a hoax because I believe it exists. I believe there is a virus that sickened some, I also believe it even killed some. Killed, as in the actual primary cause of their death…… AKA, someone who wouldn’t have otherwise passed away if it weren’t for this virus. So I’m going to go out on a limb here and risk a few more lost “friends” with this statement……. I honestly think that this whole chaotic mess will go down in history as the biggest, most costly, most fear inducing, most panic causing RUSE, EVER perpetrated against mankind.

It’s given birth to some really horrible offspring, some incredibly intrusive and invasive government intervention. It’s revealed our greed and our capability for hatred & deceit. It’s turned neighbor against neighbor, community against community, State against State, and even Country against Country.

This was a perfect opportunity to see what we were made of, if we would choose presumed safety over freedom, if we would choose government controlled privileges over God given rights, and most importantly, what we might be willing to trade off to make a deal with the “devil“. Honestly, LOOK at us…..

We bought out all the toilet paper, we bought out all the sanitizer and wipes, we made masks, we reported our neighbors and friends who didn’t comply with the “rules”, we even stepped 6 feet away from the people we shook hands with a week prior or even hugged.

As sheep, we got a 98 on this test, some even got extra credit for showing extra fear, but as humans and as a society, we failed miserably.

And as Americans, we totally failed. We come from bloodlines where when things didn’t feel right, we resisted, we fought and “usually” won. Oh sure, the Canadians kicked our ass one time, but today they’re much like us. But seriously, in a month or two, take a look back on how easily this divided us, not just nations, but even here in our own neighborhoods, even among families!

Remember the times when an emergency would bring us together??? A hurricane, a flood, a tornado or snow-storm??? I do! We shared EVERYTHING, took care of each other, made it all work out for all involved. We NEED to get back to that, we need to remember that we are NOT each others competition or enemy, but rather that we are friends and neighbors.

We really only have one common enemy, and that’s the one that want’s to divide us so it can more easily conquer us. Call it a virus, call it the government, call it whatever you wish…… BUT the bottom line is, for as long as we stand side by side, together, NOTHING has a chance. Look at history and you’ll see how wars were started. Yes, every single one!!! Turn one faction against the other and watch attrition take over. You pick, race, religion, politics, ethnicity, class or caste…… DON”T let “them” do it again, EVER!!!!

This is a comment I am adding: Many years ago I heard some pastor say that our current society is merely coasting on the fumes of their forefathers Christianity & when that is gone, we were doomed as a people. I agree. There is a reason that Jesus really is the Savior of the World for unless His commandment of loving one another is strictly adhered to, we haven’t got a prayer, literally.