cheating

Homewreckers

Don’t like them.

Never been one.

Even before my father ran off with a “homewrecker” himself, I never liked them.

There is not one “homewrecker” who isn’t a selfish, jealous, creepy little excuse for a human being. I finally realized that the only kind of man who falls for this type is someone just like them. No man with any dignity, self-respect or love for the woman they chose to spend the rest of their life with would give these obvious floozies a second glance. In fact, if one of them were to bother you, you would tell them to get lost. Everyone talks about STD’s but HIV & Syphilis are still out there kids. So are murders, usually perpetrated by the cheating partner or the homewrecker. Surprisingly, or maybe not, the injured party is less violent.

I have known a few women who fit the category “homewrecker” & they disgust me. One was a relative, one an in-law & another a close friend. The in-law once said I shouldn’t judge her til I walk in her shoes, she was divorced & widowed. Well I finally was & I didn’t make her same choice because I’m not a selfish bitch like she was.

One suffered from actual mental illness that she needed to be medicated for. It was during her street drug abuse times she was dangerous in other ways besides coming onto anything with a cock. The other two were strongly narcissistic who really didn’t care about anyone but themselves. They would be the first to throw a fit if any women did this to them, but hypocrisy works like this. It’s only bad if they are the injured party.

What disgusts me about this “type” of demon seed is they enjoy their work. Affairs are never “just one of those things” or “one thing led to another.” Sort of true that one lie, one manipulation led to more of the same but cheating on supposed loved ones never “just happens.” It takes cognitive thought & real effort to sneak around like that. These same cheaters somehow would never apply the same energy & effort to their current relationship which makes it all the more absurd.

Some try to excuse cheating because their partner has “let themselves go” or won’t have sex with them anymore. Nice try but those are reasons to tell your SO that you plan to file for divorce, or leave, if something doesn’t change. It’s not a reason to deceive them unless that is who you really are. For this reason, I truly believe that cheaters & homewreckers deserve each other. Who doesn’t deserve this is the betrayed partner & any children involved in that relationship.

I really fail to see the attraction to someone that disgusting. It’s like any other scuzzy, sleazy type of behavior. Why would you want you want to be with a person like that? Why would you want someone so cold blooded, jealous & deceptive in your life? How would having cheap sex with a creep be that much of a turn on? I could even see it if some of these tramps were super models or of that caliber but most are far from it. I get if you had the hots for the celebrity of your dreams & all of a sudden that became a reality for you. That is what I call temptation. Some other person coming on to you, when you have someone in your life already, I don’t get it. You know some are not sincere, right? You know some flirt because they are bored & having nothing to lose. To go along with some loser who has nothing while you have a lot to lose is just about as stupid & destructive as it gets.

I say this as someone who has NEVER been tempted to affairs whether I am married or single if the person coming on to me sexually was involved with someone else in any way. I am not that hard up or desperate. Apparently I have WAY too much genuine self-esteem to lower myself to a position to be used by anyone for any reason. I don’t like users or abusers & this type of behavior covers both using & abusing others. I refuse to be a part of it and have told married men that I considered it an insult to me that they would think I was the kind of woman to help them cheat on their spouse.

Guess what??? They all apologized to me & didn’t keep after me because I told them what I felt about it. I didn’t “hold back” to spare feelings that should not be spared. I gave that man something to think about instead of being “that woman” who doesn’t even love herself enough to want to be with a man that is free to love her the way she deserves to be loved. That is what true female empowerment looks like. Not seeing how notches you can put on some bedpost & bragging about it on TikTok.

I have no respect for anyone who caves to this kind of false flattery to the ego. If you are easily swayed to be with someone else when you’re already in a relationship you prove to the homewrecker & yourself, that your current relationship means less than nothing to you so why are you still with that person you’re cheating on? It tells the world that you should not be with your current partner because you don’t want to be. There’s no coming back from that. Even the most desperate, clingy doormat individuals will always hate you in their heart, even if they choose to stay with you after this kind of stunt. Any attention towards another sexually available person is disrespect to your current partner. You can’t talk or reason your way out of this fact. You can’t burn the candle at both ends without flaming out.

Some need the financial security marriage or partnership brings. You like the higher standard of living with both your incomes or there are children involved that need care. Some stay in relationships because they have been coerced in some way such as getting someone pregnant and you want to be in your child’s life but are not really happy with the “baby mama” choice because you were young and naive at the time. Sometimes you are unhappy from the start of a marriage because the person you married becomes Mr/Mrs Hyde most of the time instead of the charming Dr Jekyll you originally fell in love with and married.

Either way, you have to be a special kind of evil to lie, manipulate & deceive anyone for any reason. Especially if that person is in love with you & trusts you to feel the same about them because you have told them so. So good luck destroying everything for some bored homewrecker’s ego trip. Even if you are finally dumped by your duped partner & are free to be with your adultery partner, how long do you think that’s gonna last when the dynamics are completely changed & it’s no longer exciting & dangerous?

Betrayal & Resentment

Since I no longer have a life of my own (partly because of covid), reading relationship question & answers online is now my guilty pleasure. At first I used to read them for kicks. Many are very amusing to downright comical to me. Then I started to see disturbing patterns of betrayal in both genders. As someone who has been betrayed or “cheated on” a number of times in my past relationships this is a sore spot with me even now. Some cheaters admitted it, some denied that truth to the end but in every case I ended the relationship immediately. Once someone tells me what they really think of me, I believe them & act accordingly.

Some choose to stay with deceitful partners for many reasons. We all have our own financial or emotional needs. There has to be a benefit for them to stay. Sometimes it’s merely that the person has no pride & delusionally chooses to believe the apologies that seem sincere at the time. Some, mostly women, are stay at home moms with children to care for & it would be financially difficult to leave the bread winner & have to support herself & her children even with child support. I don’t judge. The ability to forgive is personal. Some will not only leave a cheating spouse but will seek revenge in some way. Some choose to stay & still punish the offending spouse for that kind of public humiliation. Everyone usually finds out sooner or later.

I can’t understand why a cheater does not foresee the fallout his or her infidelity will always cause. The very act of taking the time & trouble to sneak away with another person to give them pleasure & get pleasure from them tells their betrayed partner how little they mean to them. That someone is willing to lose everything, including the person that they vowed or promised to stay faithful to says everything about just how little that current partner means to them. Always believe a cheater. Even if your partner is not sexually responsive to you, it does not give you the right to betray them. Sexual incompatibility needs to be discussed with the partner & corrected or just do the right thing & break off your unhappy relationship before using someone else’s body to relieve yourself.

This takes determination & passion to risk it all just to experience another person’s body. The fact that you risk losing everything only to possibly gain an unwanted pregnancy or venereal disease, even HIV just to “get a little stank on it” is about as dumb as it gets. It would be hard to stay with someone that you lose respect for once you realize they really are this ignorant & base on top of them devaluing you. I’m sure part of the reason that cheaters are so vile is they don’t appreciate someone great in their lives because they know what scum they really are & know they don’t deserve someone decent in their lives. This is why they prefer the “homewrecker” to the “homemaker.” They feel they deserve a heartless harlot who obviously is very much like themselves.

The following is an example of the types of relationship questions & answers I see on Quora. This question has to do with inappropriate boyfriend behavior as opposed to someone sneaking around cheating on their partner. This is open cheating in my opinion & many pull these kinds of suspect stunts while gaslighting & “jealousy shaming” their mate to keep them quiet & out of the way. Don’t fall for it. Either they love you & value you or they don’t. If you allow this treatment, like all abuse, it will only get worse with time.

Quora:

Relationship questions:

Question:  “I want to go travel with another female. Why won’t my girlfriend allow me to do it?

My girlfriend asked me to go travel with her. But I want to travel with my female friend to the same place first. Because I want to learn travel experience from her.” (likely story, lol)

Answer:

A male’s perspective:

[I’d like to ask……”Why do you have a girlfriend?”
“Do you have any respect for her?” That would mean her opinions & feelings count for something.
Your question is very self minded. Meaning…..it’s all about you & what you want to do.
A relationship is about sharing & not just sharing an apartment or bed. It’s about sharing lives & experiences.
Example: My wife & I greatly enjoy hiking in the wilderness & seeing, experiencing, the sights & sounds together. It brings us closer together & enriches our relationship, strengthens our love for each other & our shared interests. My work also puts me in the wilderness alone occasionally. If I come across something, like a breathtaking view, or an awesome tree formation, I can get to feeling very sad, that she is not by my side to share it with. Because you do not want to do this with your girlfriend, you are being a selfish ass in her eyes. Understandably so. It brings in the question you should not be a couple, especially since you would rather be spending that time with someone, you feel more worthy, or compatible to yourself.
If you are unable to understand the value of respect & sharing in a relationship, then I could suspect you are not ready for one.
Relationships are about doing things together.]

I like how this poster really gets what this woman’s problem or concern is. Her “partner” does not give a darn about her feelings & worse, he does not want to be with her, he passionately wants to be with this other woman whoever she is to him. I don’t think many in the throes of denied passion even realize how obvious they are acting in front of everyone & how telling their actions really are. Body language, eyes, they all give your true emotions away to others. I don’t know how this man knows the female “friend” or how long he has dated his girlfriend but the fact is, he does not have a relationship with the stated “girlfriend.” His loyalty & admiration is only for his female “friend.”

(If I were the girlfriend I would be dying to know just how this sexually viable man expects not to have sex with his female companion while traveling to romantic destinations viewing exciting emotion evoking scenery then being in close sleeping quarters with the woman with no sexual outlet but his hand or her. Just saying, this is absolutely not realistic.)

Another answer:

[If it were the girlfriend going instead of you with her best Male friend, should you be ok with it? There’s your answer.  Resentment never really goes away.]

Anything that you do to another that causes you to devalue or disrespect them in any way will cause resentment in them towards you & their relationship with you.  This is the biggest obstacle to overcome when someone is trying to forgive a partner for some type of indiscretion or betrayal.  The same kind of betrayal the guilty party would have trouble forgiving if they were in a similar situation. What is resentment in a relationship?

Resentment is the ill feeling you have toward someone when you deem them to have treated you unfairly. It’s not quite the same as getting angry or upset when someone truly treats you poorly. It is more a perceived wrong related to another person’s actions, words, or even their beliefs about something.

What is considered cheating or betrayal in a relationship?

In short, cheating is being emotionally or sexually unfaithful to your partner with who you are in a monogamous relationship with. Being intimate sexually or emotionally with another person is usually considered cheating. Surprising how many men are more emotionally intimate with their women friends or female co-worker than their actual mates. It actually means that they are in love with those friends & NOT the women they are sharing their bed with as their partner. This has to be addressed when it’s discovered.

It’s potentially harmful & fraudulent in so many ways. Usually the female friend is not sexually attracted to the man but keeps him around as her backup because she can tell he’s really in love with her, treats her well & is always there for her instead of his wife or girlfriend. He has proven to her that she is the priority in his life, not his wife or girlfriend. The man keeps hoping that one day they can be together as he would like & meanwhile this “friend” woman flirts & complements him to keep him on the line. In the meantime he needs sex & comfort from an actual physical body & that’s where his girlfriend or wife comes into play in this disturbing dynamic.

This brings us to the “martyr” or “doormat.”  Someone with a martyr complex is committed to their narrative of being a victim, working harder than anyone else & not getting what everyone else gets. Such as being a good, faithful long suffering wife that is not appreciated by her spouse. Encouraging bad behavior in others helps no one.

A doormat is someone who lets others treat them badly, doesn’t express their own needs & doesn’t stand up for themselves. Know your worth.  If you consider others to be worthy, you must first know your own worth.  Respect yourself or no one else will.  This is the reason that abuse follows a cycle with most.  They allow it one time & don’t change it or leave the person or situation.  People who value their own self worth will get away from damaging or dangerous situations asap.

Stop Being Treated Like a Doormat:

No one can devalue you without your permission.

The change has to start with you. 

Start teaching others how to treat you.

Stop giving til it hurts.

Expect only the best from other people.

Never accept any type of disrespect or devaluation.

Don’t be afraid to seek counseling & assertiveness training.

I hope that someone in a similar circumstance will be comforted in some small way that cheating is a sign that your relationship is in trouble & needs to be fixed. In all the chaos that cheating or infidelity causes there are basic patterns that are so painfully obvious, they are missed because delusion or wishful thinking is so much easier. No muss or fuss, til one day your partner gets what he wanted all along & suddenly walks out the door. This happens to many that choose to turn a blind eye & forgive the deceit without trying to solve the real problems. Cheaters are telling you that they are not happy with you or the relationship so some type of change has to occur. Not being compatible is not a failure, it’s not failure to realize that something is not working.

Life is constant change.

Life is not forever.

Infidelity does not mean you must break up. Both partners need to figure things out to everyone’s benefit.